The Secular-Christian Romance
Once upon a time there was a maid named Sally. Sally lived a (mostly) happy life dreaming of her future prince that she hoped to one day marry. Every day as Sally patched her garments, she longed to find someone who truly cared about her. But it was vain hope. She was too poor.
A few miles away in a castle lived a wealthy prince. Joe’s problem wasn’t loneliness. Young maidens flocked to him, daring him to love them. But none of them seemed to be the right match for him.
Until he met Sally. At first it was just a feeling, but once Joe drew up the courage to tell her he loved her, they began to meet regularly. Every time they met, Joe was more reassured that he’d found the right girl. She was, after all, the most beautiful girl on the block. And for the first time in her life, Sally didn’t feel lonely. She knew she had true connection in Joe.
Of course, they put up boundaries. They took extra measures to be sure that they followed in the path of a clean romance. Sally knew Joe was her husband-to-be. It was a perfect match…
The Rise of the Secular-Christian Romance
Have you ever read a book like the story of Joe and Sally? A story where a boy and a girl both have a hole in their heart, and when they get together, that hole is filled?
This kind of story bugs me. Why? After all, the story of Joe and Sally is a very clean story. It was even written by a Christian author–me. There’s nothing technically wrong with this story. But there’s something deeper that I question about the Christian market.
Writers are putting secular romances in Christian books. And Christian readers are tolerating these secular-Christian romances, often without realizing it. Because masked under a “clean” romance in the Christian fiction aisle is an over recurring theme that is present in almost every secular romance. It’s this: Human ‘love’ (usually from a love-interest) solves all your problems.
Why did I put ‘love’ in quotes? The root of the problem of secular-Christian romance is the author’s definition of love.
In this article, I’m going to dive into the Biblical definition of love. After that, I’ll explain the cultural definition of love and why using the word “clean” to describe fiction is not what Christians should be looking for. Last, I’ll recommend two books for you to add to your TBR list. Because I mostly read fantasy and romantasy, I’ll be drawing from books in these genres as well as the Bible.
What is Biblical Love?
Let’s begin with what the Bible has to say about love. To know what true love means, we first must look at Jesus. As John says in 1 John 4:
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love….In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
God loved us enough to send his Son to trade places with us. He took on our sin and punishment. He suffered the worst physical death and the worst spiritual torment. John says elsewhere:
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
My dad, who stole this from someone famous, likes to define true love as this: “Self-sacrifice for the good of another.”
Just like Jesus sacrificed for mankind’s good to the point of death, we ought to follow in his footsteps. John continues in 1 John 4:
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
We may not die for someone else. But we still ought to sacrifice. We do the dishes for Mom. Even when we don’t feel like it, we play with our younger siblings. We confront a friend about a sin, risking the loss of a friendship. And we do it willingly, as unto the Lord, without expecting to be repaid.
The Secular Romance
Culture defines love as a feeling. An emotional stir when you see someone you like. Joe’s feeling of fulfillment when he met with Sally. Sally’s feeling of connection with Joe. I’m not saying Joe’s fulfillment and Sally’s connection are necessarily wrong, but they’re not necessarily love.
The word ‘love’ barely means anything anymore. I love chocolate. I love my family. What’s the difference between my love of chocolate and my love towards my family?
The problem with the secular theme “human ‘love’ solves all your problems” is that it’s a lie.
Human love does not solve all your problems. Human love fails. Crushes don’t last. Your feelings for the guy or girl you think is a perfect match for you now will fade, and even if they don’t and you get married and live a happy life for decades, one of you will die eventually.
But God’s love never fails. It is neverending. And the sacrificial love for the good of a fellow human that spreads from God’s love is everlasting too.
Stop Equating “Clean” with “God-honoring”
Joe and Sally sure had a clean romance. But did they have a God-honoring romance?
Christians should stop judging books by whether they’re “clean” or not, and start judging them by whether they’re “God-honoring” or not. What’s the difference?
“Clean” means there’s no explicit content, no fade-to-black, and maybe even no kissing, depending on what the reader is comfortable with. On the other hand, a person in a God-honoring romance is willing to self-sacrifice for the good of the other person.
How do we test a book to see if it matches our definition of true love? By asking how the author guides our feelings throughout the book. Let me give an example. In fact, let’s use Joe and Sally.
Let’s say that Joe kisses Sally. Is Joe kissing Sally because he believes he is sacrificing something of himself that will be good for her? Or is he kissing her for his own feelings of connection, pleasure, and fulfillment?
If he’s kissing for selfish intentions, is the author having us root for that? Why? Why does the author want us to root for something that’s not true love? Or maybe the author is showing the two characters kiss, but he’s guiding our emotions to desperately want the characters to stop and chose the right thing.
It is possible that he is truly sacrificing for her good. In the fairytale fantasy Starflower, the main character kisses a girl to bring her back from an enchanted sleep. The author did not direct the main character’s thoughts to himself and his feelings of connection, pleasure, or fulfillment. Instead, she dwelt on the yearning of the main character to resurrect the girl to life again.
Author-guided emotions are the difference between a kiss scene that is God-honoring or not.
What To Read Instead?
Does that mean we should stop reading secular-Christian romance books? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s your own prayerful decision. But you ought to think about the themes of the books you’re reading. Ask yourself: Is this book encouraging me towards Christ, specifically in the area of love?
Finding truly Christian books can be difficult, especially romance. In the years that I have been reading teen fiction, I have only found a few. Regardless, I’d love to share two of them here.
- By Darkness Hid by Jill Williamson (Amazon link)
This is certainly not what I’d call a “clean” or “safe” story. (Read this article written by a friend of mine about why “dangerous” stories can actually be good) But Jill Williamson certainly handles topics of love, romance, and even sexual sins in a God-honoring way. Content labels include kissing, sorcery, and alcohol use. In later books, a character nearly commits adultery, but thankfully does not. This was the first book I read where the author had us screaming when the characters made wrong choices and cheering when they made right ones.
This is the book I mentioned earlier where the main character kisses the girl in an enchanted sleep. The author does an amazing job of portraying the theme of love in a Biblical way. I have not read any of her other works, but this book is worth reading. You can read my book review on Starflower here.
Have you read teen books that portray themes of romance and love in a Biblical way? Please, please tell me about them! I am always looking for new good books to read, and I almost always write reviews on them so others can know about them, too. You can contact me here.
Thanks for reading this article on the secular-Christian romance! Have a blessed day!